we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
