I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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