i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
