Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
