My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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