I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
