why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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