dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
