So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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