At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
