So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
