He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
