cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
