We won't sleep together?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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