She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
