I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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