come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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