saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
