you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
