The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
