There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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