Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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