someone get that fucking seahorse.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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