You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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