Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
