I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
