the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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