Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
