I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
