Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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