So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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