I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
