I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
