I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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