i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize