1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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