I can tuck mytits in my pants
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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