Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
