I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
