if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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