yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
wow bdsm is so cute
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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