That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
