I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
