her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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