now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
