haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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