I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
