They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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