I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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