We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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