i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dick very happy bro
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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