mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
