I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
