hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
