i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
