Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
