I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
