he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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