took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
