dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
