His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
