TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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