You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize