when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
