she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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