I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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